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Glen Beck

When Glen Beck masterbates, do you think he thinks about fucking the statue of liberty while stabbing Stalin in the heart with an American flag?


The only time I ever get truly down or depressed is when I get sick. I came to this realization as I was standing in my shower, the scalding water pouring over me, my limbs wracking with shivers, and the hairs all over my body standing on edge despite being drenched as I slowly turned circles. I admit it, i have a tendency to try and be a motherly sort, to take care of people when they need taking care of. What people don't know is, I long for reciprocation. I want someone to take care of me when I'm sick, help me when I'm down, stop and say "hey, you are an awesome person" every once in a blue moon. Its why I do these things...because I was taught by my grandfather that every good thing you do in your life will come back tenfold. I still hold Pabo's words true, even though some may call me naive or stupid for it.

When Im sick, its when I miss home most. Now this probably indites me as a momma's boy, or what ever slander people like to throw around, but when im sick I want my mom to refill my water glass, check on me once in awhile...I know its somthing I need to grow out of...and im starting to. I can make myself soup, i can refill my own damn water glass, i can take my medicitation...but still deep down inside there is that want to be taken care of. I want someone to sit and watch cool runnings with while eating choclate chip cookie dough ice creme. Writing it down makes it seem so childish and stupid and embarrassing. But its now Im feeling right at this instant and it sucks.

Oh well, when I feel better, hopefully tommarow *crosses fingers* I will come out of it. I just needed to get it out.

Tomarrows Goal

Clean room.
Clean Laundry.
Clean pillowcases.
Take down green sheet.


I am now officially a WCC student. Time to learn some shit.


A beast

My grandma has been diagonosed with kidney cancer. I hadent really wanted to talk about it untill just now.

They caught it super early, so its not "your grandma is going to die", its "you grandma is probably going to live".

Which is good. Well not good. Better then bad I suppose. *heavy sigh*


Fucked up

Just watched Requiem for a Dream.

Not what I need right now.


Dec. 17th, 2009

Ive been wandering around the house for the past three hours basically doing nothing...I need someone here to talk to. I think if I lived by myself I would barely spend ANY time at home, I would always be out because I need human contact. I know sometimes human contact is the last thing people want, but I only feel like that when Im really really sick. And even then I want someone to check in on me every once in awhile.

I finally beat FFX...its like 8 years late but whatever. Im very happy with how they ended it. If it had gone the other way, I would have felt cheated. Auron is still my favorite character.

I got all my christmas shoping finished today. Except for my white elephant gift. Im still thinking on that one. Im running out of time hardcore...but i will figure it out. On that note...WOO PARTY SUNDAY i hope everyone comes.

Alright im tired of bummin out. This is the end of my bumming.


So kevin's party was tons of fun. Lucky for me I left before the cops showed up, but i guess they showed up at like 3:30, by which time most everyone had left. The next day was pretty comical, with me having to get kevin out of bed 15 minutes before both of us had to be at work.

Its snowing...I still cant decide if Im excited or not. It just makes my job more of a hassle and dangerous, but I love the sound of it crunching under my boot.

I feel lonely. I know why, but it still dosent change the fact that I want to cuddle up under a blanket with a mug of hot choclate and bailies, watch a movie, then retire and fall asleep next to a warm body...ahhh that sounds so awesome. I need to stop thinking about it.

And i left my comic AND clash of kings at work. lame.

Liquid Salvation

So, much has happened this past few days.

As you know my mom was in town. She basically impulsively organized and cleaned my entire apartment, which was kind of strange and wonderful all at the same time. Her christmas present was to take me shoping for basically what ever I needed, from clothes to home supplies to Lady Gaga's CD...it was awesome.

I bought her these cool abalonie earings and then promptly lost them hours after purchaseing, whcih was kind of shitty. I hope i find them somewhere in my house.

I also told her about my relationship with Ravyn and Dusty, cuz lets face it when your girlfriend is married its like dating two people. She had no problems with it. She just said "as long as everyone is safe and happy, i will be ok". Which is a huge relief off my shoulder. She also was a littler perturbed that I even questioned telling her, because i should have known she would support me. I dont know, i guess I had just read so many horror stories in the past that I was scared. I also told her about everything else in my life...it was good to catch up, and to get a mothers advice, especially my mothers. She will be leaving tommarow, and tho I am sad to see her go, I know I will see her again soon, and she has warmed my heart like she always does.

Im quite excited

My mother is coming into town on Saturday.

My relationship with my mom is one I actually have mixed feelings about. She is the unconditional loving type, much like my pabo, and they both have tried to instill that value uppon me. It sort of worked. Ive been around enough cynics in my life to teach me that there really is no such thing, or rather it is very very rare. But i digress...im kind of ashamed of how much I took my mom for granted when I was younger...since moving out here I have tried to be the best son I can be...and I think im accomplishing that.

I feel like spilling the beans, telling her everything that is going on in my life, because she wont judge me, she would even support me, because she is my mom. She wouldn't tell anyone either, because she has never betrayed me in the past...but then again I have second thoughts. I hate having to keep part of my life out of the way, hidden in a little glorious pocket, only showing those who I trust. I trust my mom. Why cant I tell her?

Anyway, Im really super excited for her to visit. Im going to show her all around, and I want to try and have her at least meet as many of you as I can. She is here from the 5th to the 9th. I dont know mabey I will invite people out to dinner on sunday.

I hate falling asleep then waking up again and not being able to get back to sleep.