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Night Filled With Longer Hours!

Reflection time? I guess.

I think the theme for 2010 is change. There are many things to say, but basically I remember what happened right after i got back from PAX last year (mainly i got piggy flu), and I remember how I felt, who I was spending my time with, what work was like...and exactily one year later things are much much different. I was 97% sure my life was going in one direction, and it turns out I was driving down the wrong side of the road. Actually I take that back, I still dont know if Im going the correct way on my "life road", but I guess people spend a long time figuring out which way they are supposed to be going.

Ive got two friends at work who have recently become involved with girls they have liked for awhile. At first, I really thought hearing about how awesome these chicks are and how excited they are to go to weddings with them and hang out and spend time and fuck and whatever else it is they do was going to turn me bitter, angry, and sad again. Its actually having the opposite effect. I am incredibly excited for them, so much so it inspired me to write some Haikus on the subject. It feels good to see smiles around me. It makes me smile, to know that my friends, who I care about, are in good places, and have people that make them feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

I have a friend named Jenny Jones (no not the talk show host). She was a part of my high school friends group, until she got her heart broken by a dude named Bunde, then kind of lost her mind. There was an infamous incident where she poured a blueberry smoothie over her head and then threw the remainder at andrew's car because she was so upset...regardless she is better now. She has bad boy luck, i mean the dudes she becomes interested in seem ok at first, but say something like "sorry, I just dont think this is going to pan out". Actually that is a direct quote form the last one. Douche. So we have been talking a lot about the nature of love, and what it really means to be in love. I have come to the conclusion that it is a feeling that cant really be described. You know what it is because if you have ever been in love, it fills yous being, your every thought and movement until you are going to burst from the joy of it, but it is *impossible* to describe that feeling that radiates through you. I think its different for everyone, but each person knows that it feels like to be in love.

I also spoke with Jenny about my second greatest fear. Its possibly elevating to my first as I become older. I am afraid of loosing my memory. I have an irrational fear that when I turn like 35 I wont be able to remember the names of my co workers at round table, or I will no longer be able to remember what my middle school was called, or my first kiss, or what happens in the end of Redwall, or the lyrics to my favorite songs...like the list goes on and on. Ive considered writing everything down, or as much as I can remember, or that is important enough to remember. But that task seems to daunting...i really dont want to forget my friends, my experiences...its really scary. A man much wiser then me once said that I cant live in fear and worry over things that I have no control over. And if I get Alzheimers, then i get it and there is nothing I can do about it.

After not sleeping a wink last night, I am going to sleep a deep, deep sleep. I hope my dreams are good.